Is that crash cart for me?

medicDecember 7th I went ice skating with my girls and a group from our virtual school.  It was really fun.  Audrey is getting really good.  I was trying to video her, but every time I skated ahead and tried to take a video, she was already caught up with me.  So, I said that I wished I could skate backwards.  At that point a good friend of mine showed me how.  I did pretty good at first, then my legs got too far apart and when I tried to right myself I fell completely backwards.  My middle back hit the ice first then my head slammed hard.  I rolled to my side and thought that I’d like to go to sleep.  Catching a glance of my littlest daughter I decided not to close my eyes.  I sat up, covered my face and tried hard not to cry.  Many skaters, all people I knew, stopped skating and circled around me.  I was hurt, but at that point mostly embarrassed.  I continued through out the day with my normal activities, but was very tired.
That evening my sweet husband called a friend that is a neurologist.  He said it sounded like a mild concussion, but gave us some indicators to watch for complications.  In two or three days my head ache went away and I was back in business…or so I thought.
Then last Tuesday, I ran errands getting ready for our trip and Christmas, went to the the gym and ran four miles on the tread mill.  Then I went to a Christmas party with my Bible study.  It was a blast.  I had a really great dinner and a glass of Pinot Noir.  Then we went to a friend’s house and ate dessert, talked, laughed and had an ornament exchange.  It was so fun.  That night when I lay down the room was spinning.  I had ONE glass of wine about four hours before.  I knew there was no way that was causing the room to spin, but I figured that must be what was wrong and I went to sleep.  I woke up dizzy and it went a way a little while after I woke up. 
Wednesday night, same thing, no wine.  Thursday morning, same dizziness, went away.  Thursday night, same thing, no wine.  Friday morning I woke up at 4:00 am to get ready to get on the road to Alabama.  I couldn’t stand.  I tried to get ready, I threw up.  I lay back down.  A few minutes later I felt better and got back up to try to get ready to leave.  I threw up again.  When I lay back down I stopped feeling dizzy after a few minutes and I knew something was wrong.  I told Luke that we couldn’t leave.  We went back to bed and I called the Dr.’s office at 8:00 am as soon as they opened.  They got me in at 8:40.
As soon as we told the Dr. that I had a head injury every thing changed.  I was hooked up to an IV to help with nausea and a CT scan was being scheduled.  The Dr. was afraid that I had a slow bleed on my brain.  The IV fluid made me very sleepy.  The scan was scheduled for 10:45 and the Dr. wouldn’t let us go home, he wanted us to stay in the office then go to the other location for the scan.  When it was time to leave I wasn’t able to sit up. (I actually don’t remember this. I’m just going on what Luke said happened)  The Dr. said that I’d have to take an ambulance to the other location, that Luke couldn’t drive me.  I figured that if I was going to have to go to another clinic I should go to the bathroom with these nurses that I already knew.  They wheeled me down in a wheel chair.  I went.  Next think I knew I was being lifted back on to the table in the exam room.  Someone was calling for a crash cart, there was talk of oxygen and a heart monitor.
I could hear every thing going on, but I thought I might be dying.  My thoughts were oddly calm.  I thought “I wonder if that crash cart is for me.”  I also thought “if you see a light, don’t walk into it.”  Then I could see people, they were talking to me and sticking heart monitor stickers all over me.  The oxygen was great.  I love oxygen.
The EMT got there and the orders were changed.  I was no longer going to the other office with the CT scan, I was on my way to the ER.  I still couldn’t sit up but was loving the oxygen.  It helped me feel so much better.  I was scared.  Luke was even more so.  There was a time that he didn’t know what was going on, neither did I.  I think things like that are even harder on the people that love the person than the actual person going through it.  Luke told me good bye and they loaded me on the ambulance.  I cried the whole way to the hospital because I felt like I was ruining Christmas.  I thought I was bleeding from the brain.  I thought life was about to be very different, if there was going to be life at all.  I found comfort in seeing the Nissan logo on the top of Luke’s truck through the small windows on the back of the Ambulance.
Things went pretty quick at the ER.  I slept a lot there.  I had a CT scan and blood work.  Waiting for the results wasn’t too bad because I couldn’t stay awake.  I awoke to a Dr. shining a small flash light into my eyes.  He nonchalantly said that the scans and blood work were clear.  That I was in fact not going to die.  I shot my eyes over to Luke who took off his hat and rubbed his hand through what hair he has left.  He was relieved.  I knew every thing was going to be ok.
I was able to sit up, then I was able to walk.  I left the hospital and returned home to four very worried little girls.  The Dr. said that I have post concussive syndrome and that symptoms can last for up to 6 weeks.  I have to “take it easy.”  The worst part is that I can’t run.  He said what likely brought this on was activity and stress.  I did push my self to run that four miles that day, and I was getting a little over whelmed with our Christmas prep.  I never feel like I do too much.  But I guess maybe I do.   I’m still dizzy, but a little less all the time.
So, I think this Christmas I may just value every little smile, every giggle, every snuggle just a little more.  I think that I will hold my husbands hand and that I’ll let him do a few things for me that I’d rather do my self.  I think that this Christmas I don’t have to try to make every thing perfect, because really, it already is.

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