He already knew.

He already knew.

Warning: if you don’t like my honesty, it’s ok to quit reading. I’ll actually never know.

A while back a friend of mine described a party she gave to one of her children who was an early teen. She told me she looked out the window to see the kids playing tag in the yard, or maybe it was hide and seek. They were all 13 or maybe it was 14. They were innocently playing tag like the children they actually are. She said how glad she was that she was able to protect her children from all the awful stuff so many teens are doing that she liked her bubble. I like it too. I miss it. I cry about it when no one is watching.

Before my kids went to public school I at some point said: “You’ll learn more on the bus than in the classroom.” I don’t remember saying that, but it sounds like me. My freshman reminded me of that this last week and she told me I was right. There is no precious bubble. I didn’t want my kids to know the vulgarity, the perversity that they do. I mean, I guess they would learn it. But, why does a 15-year-old have to listen to boys talk about sexual positions? Why do they have to constantly turn down a vape? (Seriously, these kids are vaping on the bus…like always. It’s called a Juuling for those of you who don’t know. Read this, and take a look at this. They kind of look like little zip drives. Anyway…that’s beside the point.) Everything that you hear about happening in high schools across the country is true. Boys getting a nude picture of a girl and sending it out to a bunch of people, check. Someone bringing alcohol to school in a water bottle, check. Backstabbing mean girls, check. I’ve heard it all and boy do I miss the bubble.

Sweet Gloria
Sweet Emma

 

I miss hearing about the discussion in Bible class or how they disagreed with a teacher. I miss knowing parents, I miss being a part of that community. But among all that I have learned this school year is that it is not about me.

My kids, as different as they are, have found where they belong. And it’s not because they fit in or because they stand out. It’s because they know it’s where the Lord wants them.

While driving a sweet girl home one day she said “If it wasn’t for Emma, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t have found Jesus so soon, or maybe ever.” Emma knows, and I know, it wasn’t her, it was all Jesus. Emma just introduced her friend to Jesus, He knew her all along.

Gloria invited a friend to church, and now the whole family attends. They weren’t going to church before. I don’t know their stories or what they know about salvation. I do know they’re for sure headed in the right direction. But it wasn’t Gloria who did anything. It was all Jesus.

That isn’t even all of the stories, there are more that perhaps I’ll share with you sometime when we visit.

So yes, when I look at your kid’s pictures on Instagram all wearing their age appropriate modest formal dresses I say to my self, “Emma should be in this picture, and Gloria should have been in that one.” I feel actual pain in my heart because I miss you and I miss your kids. I’m still not over it.

My kids are really happy though. They’re finding their footing and establishing who they are, maybe for the first time. It’s actually easier to stand out in a crowd than I thought it would be. Just smile, don’t talk trash and stand up for truth. I gotta say, the bubble was lovely, it’s a lovely, lovely bubble. I miss the bubble.

But my girls are stronger than I thought. God knew.

He already knew.

8 Comments

  • Aunt Diana

    May 14, 2018 at 12:41 pm Reply

    It’s me, right?, I’m the cool person, right?…LOL…Just kidding, none of this is about me, it IS about Jesus. I do want you to know I do read your blogs. I love them, I love you and your girls, and I’m so proud of you I could burst. (I just don’t always comment.) Well. it makes my eyes leak anyway. 🙂 <3 I know that it is because of Jesus, you have been obedient to His call to give your children a foundation in Him. They are each a walking testimony, as are you, of simple obedience. God wants our simple as well as what we may think is difficult, but I'm sure you know this. He turns our simple into something deeper and bigger than we could ever imagine or accomplish. Praise God! He does the work, we just need to be an obedient tool. Happy Mother's Day to a very special Mom and niece, that simply in the middle of her own mothering messes, challenges, and just plain life…kept praying, seeking, and simply obeyed God!

    • carrie

      May 16, 2018 at 11:11 am Reply

      Sending my girls to a different school this year was for sure obedience because it isn’t at all what I wanted. God made it perfectly clear though and they are happy girls. Thanks! <3

  • Jennifer Livingston

    May 14, 2018 at 7:10 pm Reply

    Carrie, your words are wisdom that I need and appreciate. 😊 God is doing his work through You and your Girls! I started crying reading the 2 short stories of how your girls helped others find Jesus. 💖 I have always admired you and your awesome way to be able to nourish each and every child of yours! Just the way they need. 😊 Thank You for your stories! I Love You! 😘

    • carrie

      May 16, 2018 at 11:12 am Reply

      Love you, sweet Jenny! Thanks for reading! I can’t wait to see you so soon!!!

  • Melissa Dinsmore

    May 14, 2018 at 9:54 pm Reply

    I love you! You are a wonderful mom and those girls of yours are precious!

    • carrie

      May 16, 2018 at 11:13 am Reply

      Thank you so much! I love you!!! I agree they’re pretty great kids. 🙂

  • Julie Quinn

    May 16, 2018 at 1:06 am Reply

    I always love your blog. U speak truth and love and real and messy. I ugly cry when i read them. When no one is looking. You’re one of the coolest Mom’s im blessed to know. I appreciate your heart. Your girls have it too. Praise God they are dping what He has called us all to do, and you’ve prepared them all those bubbly years for such a time as this! Great is the harvest!!

    • carrie

      May 16, 2018 at 11:16 am Reply

      YOUR words make me cry. What a sweet thing to say “you’ve prepared them all those bubbly years.” I just don’t always understand why the bubble was longer for some than others. I don’t understand what God is doing all the time…Then Bam! He’ll make is clear then just like that I start to forget again because I like things MY way. Thank you for being my friend even when our circles don’t cross, maybe we can get in each other’s spaces a little more this next school year 🙂 I am so blessed to know you!

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